Turning Lemons into Limoncello

This morning my alarm did not go off. As I toss and turn in bed I am thinking the sun is too bright for it to be just seven o'clock. I pull my phone and the digital screen screams eight twenty-five at me. I was planning to leave for the practice at eight thirty. As I leap out of bed my head is already filled with my to-do list and I am not even connecting to my recent practice of observing the one living in the moment. This is an emergency after all. As I rush down to the car I have to go back up several times because I forgot my hearing aid, and i see the laptop i thought was in the car sitting by the TV cabinet. I feel grateful. As I rush through the door I am thinking i still have time just as I am about to drive away I feel something funny in my car. My tire is flat for the second time again this week! Feels like I have just lived through the whole day in the space of an hour.

Some of you may be saying, who cares, we all have our own stuff to deal with on a daily basis. Some people are losing their loved ones, others are battling a disease, still others are just having a tough time. The common point is everyone goes through experiences and the way we cope with adversity is equally unique. The uniqueness of individuals makes it that no two human beings can be wired the same. This goes for fraternal twins as well otherwise we'd all be clones.Even in the case of clones we will have changes in the form of slight differences in the materials, parts the clone is made up due to fabrication processes.

My area of interest in psychology is the study of how change happens for clients. As I move from one client to another, I find that it is difficult to dissociate change from forms of crises and adversity. These may be in the perceptions people hold about a situation that causes the bloc or an actual impasse where the person has a residual feeling of being lost, or being in an impasse. In an attempt to control the damage several clients of mine engage in behaviors which restrict then emotionally, behaviorally and cognitively. Yet others seem to remain aloof to the presenting difficulty and live life at large. I find those coping mechanisms interesting in that it digs deep into a potential for understanding what causes one to blow their brains out or another to remain still and in silence until the storm passes.

From the narratives of clients it comes back that a factor which prevents clients from letting go of the story causing the drama is the dysfunctional thought that there is no guarantee that drama is a temporary episode of one's life. Several clients run around in circles in their heads ruminating over rehashed thoughts, feelings and behaviors hence creating a situation akin to permanence. In this case, the permanence is the result of of too much time spent in one's head and over a scenario hence reducing the possibility for the client to consider other options which may give a momentum for change to occur.

There is also the case of people who live their lives going from episode of drama to another episode of drama hence making adversity an integral part of their identity and core self. In so doing,consistent complaining, feelings of hurt and pain become essential ingredients for the person to feel they live.

In the form of therapy we deliver, we allow space for these stories to unfold and help clients create exits using cognitive behavioral technique so they can momentarily allow themselves to get a glimpse of a different experience and reality. As we move forward and the person understands that permanence can make way to temporality we can consider change is in process in our work together.

So when life gives you lemons,...make limoncello ;)